So my husband spent a few days in the hospital last week. He’s home and getting better every day, but it’s been miserable. I mean really miserable. He’s got plenty of frustrations of his own, struggling to get well and hating being unable to function normally. He’s got some lifestyle changes to make that aren’t easy. But he’ll have to get his own blog to tell about all that. 🙂
I’ve been in a quandry about my own reaction to his illness. I’m really struggling to keep it together. Several times I’ve scolded myself, thinking there’s no way I should be this stressed out and uneasy. Looking inside myself, I wondered what in the world had me so upset. Was I THIS spoiled, used to his helping hands with me all the time? Was I THAT hungry, missing his yummy dinners usually waiting when I got home? Am I such a spoiled brat?
Then, a couple of days into his recovery, he looked over at me and grinned. One of his trademark melt-my-heart smiles. It was a glimpse of him… happy. And for that moment, every bit of my worry and frustration and sadness disappeared. I realized then that my problem is the same ol’ thing that got me wrapped up with this guy in the first place. Crazy, awesome, incredible love.
I adore this man. And seeing him happy is when I’m the happiest. Somewhere beyond the initial thrill of infatuation, we graduated to the kind of love that gives itself away. The kind that delights in the happiness of another, more than one’s own happiness. The kind that would rather take the loved one’s place than see him suffer. The kind of love husbands and wives SHOULD share, the kind mommies and babies share, the kind that JESUS showed us so long ago.
Know what I think is SO cool? That love… the pang in my heart when my loved ones are sad, the leap of joy when I see them happy… God’s the one who gives me that!! That’s HIM, interacting with me, whispering about who He is and the way He treasures us all.
I John 4:7-8 “Beloved, let us love one another. For love is of God and everyone that loveth is born of God and knoweth God. He that loveth not, knoweth not God, for God is love.”