>IT IS DONE!

>I totally just watched the Saints win the Superbowl!!! WOW! I’m not one to buy all the hype and the destiny this and that. However, I just can’t help being a little emotional on this one. It just plain feels awesome to see a dream come true. A good thing has happened to a city of passionate, fun-loving people and most of them are crying like babies with the joy of it. (and the beer of course)

Sometimes life brings along enough bad stuff that it makes you kind of scared to hope for something good to happen. It’s nice to see an impossibility become possible, a glimmer of hope actually become reality, to live through a victory no one thought would ever come.

Too cool. Too cool that my kids witnessed a historic event and the courage of a city whose tragedy they also experienced. Too cool that my new baby will be born the year the Saints won the Superbowl. Too cool to see the stuff of a hollywood movie happen for real in front of my eyes. Yay, Saints! Bless You Boys!!

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>Countdown

>The end of pregnancy can be like the longest, most torturous countdown there is. It’s the wierdest mix of giddy anticipation and adrenaline-pumping, nerves-on-end vigilance that there is. Just for fun, and to let off some steam, here’s what the countdown looks like at our house:

10: Find a spot on your belly with no bruise to administer your blood thinner shot. “Honey? Can you look under there and tell me where there’s no bruise?”

9: Try to get a couple of consecutive hours of sleep. No dice. Run yourself a warm bath at 2am out of pain and sheer boredom. One can only watch Teen Mom on MTV in the middle of the night so many times. Make involuntary popping noises and cries of pain when attempting to roll over in bed. Husband wakes up. “Baby, you ok?”

8: Cry hysterically for a reason. Cry hysterically again for no reason at all. Husband wakes up again. “Baby, you ok?”

7: Notice how everyone who sees you immediately looks down at the middle section of your body which currently doesn’t appear to be physically possible. Either they’re looking at that or I’m WAY sexier than I thought I was. Husband looks too. “Baby, you are beautiful!”

6: Be INSANELY protective and emotional over your existing beautiful children. Tear up when your seven year old boy throws his arms around your huge belly, and giggle with your twelve year old girl when she feels the baby kick. Watch their gorgeous heads of hair disappear around the corner as they walk into school with their friends. Grab the tissues and have your very own Hallmark commercial right there.

5: Go over every possible going-into-labor scenario with your husband until you both are delirious or delusional with anticipation. While doing so, realize that what will actually happen is COMPLETELY unknown and out of your control. Continue delusions and delirium. Finally try to decide to be happy and enjoy WHATEVER happens.

4: Wash, fold, and put away all your baby stuff. Then REALLY hope the determination is accurate and it really is a boy. Sit in your rocking chair and stare at all the baby stuff. Sit pretty much anywhere and stare.

3: Miss your mother like you never knew was possible. Cry some more to your very patient and understanding husband. “Baby, it’s ok.”

2: Feel nauseated and want nothing to eat at all. Then eat everything you can get your hands on.

1: Feel and watch baby Caleb moving around in there and think how much you will miss this miracle after he’s born. Sit back, relax and wait for it…

BLASTOFF!!

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>Bliss

>It’s been WAY too long since I did this.

My life is full of little blisses. Last night, a long conversation with a friend who is walking through what I walked through 2 years ago made me remember. How did you get through? He asked. I focused on life’s smallest joys. That was really the main thing I did. And I’ve quit doing it as much as I should. Smiles come my way through:

A big yellow dog with hair all over my boy after they play.
My very own chef who makes me pancakes on his day off.
Selfsame chef who puts up with me tossing and turning all night and wakes up to see if I need anything, and then still gets up on his day off to help me get the kids ready.
A primping twelve year old girl who borrows my necklace and my lotion.
My Sugarland CD. Turned up LOUD.
Starbucks Venti Passion Tea, Iced with an extra shot of sweet, baby!
Lunch with a friend
Mardi Gras!! And KING CAKE!!

A short list, but effective. Enjoy your own blisses today!

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>New Year

>The New Year has begun. Though I must confess, it snuck up on me!! (Is snuck a word? I don’t really think so, but oh well…. “sneaked” doesn’t really sound better and I don’t have time to look it up.) Back to the point…our New Year’s Eve was spent sick in bed with a stomach flu. My husband had it first, so by New Year’s Eve, he was taking his turn as caregiver to me and I was doing my best to get over it so we could go pick up the kids. We took it easy and made the trip to FL and back, bringing our little loves home. The kids had a fun visit to FL for the most part, though there were some not so great moments and I find myself facing big challenges helping my children deal with those. I HATE, and I do mean ABSOLUTELY HATE the fact that my children must be out of my care. Hurtful things happen to them that I can’t prevent. I know reality is I’ll never be able to prevent all of life’s pain for my children, never really could, but it still sucks, plain and simple.

However, they’re home now and getting back to their usual wonderful crazy selves. We are lovin’ it. Our home is full of so much laughter. Dwayne and I laugh a lot anyway, and the kids join in with one antic or another, and then add our big ol’ dog to the mix and we are a crazy bunch. Now we’re getting all set up for baby Caleb and ready to add little brother. Never a dull moment indeed.

I’m finding that I really love building a home here in New Orleans… with a New Orleanian. “Let the good times roll!” isn’t just a saying here, it’s a way of life, and is a big part of our life. I love my Florida roots, my upbringing there was priceless. I’m also loving bringing up my kids with those same good ol’ values mixed with a zest and love for life that can’t be found anywhere but the Big Easy.

The last few years have been nothing short of hell on earth for me and my babies. We’ve seen a lot of bad… and a lot of good too. Though my new year came in quietly, without much observation at all, I’m still happy for the newness and renewal brought about by another January. My new family is getting stronger (and larger!) by the minute, and we are moving into a bright future together. My goal, if any, for this year? Make the MOST of every minute. Revel in every happiness. Appreciate every moment of joy, every little hug, every loving touch, every second of laughter with the ones I love. That’s it. And really… what else is there?

To all of you: Let the good times roll!! Happy New Year!!

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>Christmas Season

>Merry Christmas! Two days late, I know.

My children are in Florida and I am in Louisiana. So I shed a few tears on Christmas since my heart misses them so much. But I talked to them on the phone twice, and will see them in a matter of days. Our doggie misses them too. He searches their beds, and cries, and comes to me with the most mournful look on his face, nudges me desperately, like, “DO something!!! WHERE ARE MY KIDS???!!!” Crazy dog! Can’t say I blame him, though. Had I the K-9 excuse, I’d behave the very self-same way. However, I must soldier on like the human I try to be and endure this, making the most of it, and that’s what I’m trying to do.

My Christmas was a quiet one, and I must say, quite enjoyable. I spent it bonding with my sweet husband. We needed this time and we are enjoying every second of it. Christmas Eve at my stepson’s house where baby Caleb is already getting spoiled by his big brother and sister in law. We had Christmas dinner at his brother’s and enjoyed the most eclectic cultural Christmas of my life. My sister in law is Thai, and so we had turkey next to the egg rolls, next to the ham, next to the noodles. Thai karaoke and New Orleans accents and crazy kids everywhere… and a little bit of Polk county redneck girl (me). Fun!

My man got me a spa day for Christmas and so I spent yesterday sprawled in a pedicure chair, white chocolate cappucino in hand, totally relaxing. I needed it. Funny thing, I happened to be one of three pregnant ladies in the salon all at the same time. Picture three very pregnant people sprawled in pedicure chairs and the place looked more like a maternity ward than an upscale spa. It turned some heads for sure! Too funny.

All in all, a Christmas to be cherished, since most of it was spent in the arms of the one I love, curled up by our fireplace getting closer and dreaming and building a stronger foundation for our family. And kissing too!! 🙂 What’s a good Christmas without some serious kissing, I always say.

To all of you out there, Merry, merry merry Christmas season. (Which, according to my bestie, Christy, lasts until epiphany, and I wholeheartedly agree!!!)

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>Missing Heart Report

>Well, my heart has officially exited my body and is walking around down in Florida. I put my kids on a plane Thursday. Their first plane ride alone. They cried. I cried. We are gonna miss each other!! Two weeks will not pass quickly enough.

But they did it! They called back so proud of themselves. They had a good flight, and made it there safe and sound. It’s hard not to be blue. I’m doing my best to enjoy my last hurrah alone with my hubby before new baby arrives. I still miss my babies, though. I have two very brave, very wonderful children.

Now… the Saints are about to kick off. It’s time to watch some football!!

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>A Decision

>Today I’m decorating Gingerbread men. I have seven days until my babies have to leave me for Christmas, and the Christmasing has begun. We have an action packed weekend coming up and what better way to kick off than Gingerbread men? And a visit to the doctor to hear our baby’s heartbeat. Frustrations are officially going to the back burner, and I mean the very back. I have a gorgeous husband who is nuts about me, I have two amazing children on the outside and one inside. It’s Christmastime and we have each other… and gingerbread men. All other crap must wait until I am finished relishing every second with my precious ones.

Let’s do it!!

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>Taking Advice

>Levi on tattling:

“Robert ALWAYS has to do that. He tells on somebody ALL the time, he always has to have something to tell on. It’s like “DUDE… take a break!!”

I SO feel his pain. There is something going on right now that makes my heart say “Seriously???? I mean, REALLY??? After everything you have already done to me and my children… now this????” It’s like “DUDE… take a break!”

Maybe it’s the size of my belly, and the size of the hormone surges I’m having. Maybe it’s exhaustion or fear or whatever. I’m just having trouble finding my usual look-on-the-bright-side attitude. I’m frustrated with people and humanity and the general stupidity of a person who unfortunately has influence on my babies. Honestly, I’m frustrated with God a little too. It’s not like He doesn’t already know this, so don’t you freak out ok? I just feel like I tried to honor Him through forgiveness and through sticking out a marriage that was doomed. I tried to be the hero, to forgive when it wasn’t deserved, to keep going when no one knew how I was suffering. I tried to hold it all together, for the sake of my family and for the sake of His church. And now… this situation just continues to plague me, even after I’ve finally been released from it and gone on toward wholeness.

I feel like crying out for mercy from this. I feel like asking “How long? and WHY???” Mostly I also feel frustrated that no one seems to be caring what is best for my children. Perhaps pregnancy has me feeling SUPER maternal right now, but I just can’t get over how precious my children are, and how undeserved all of their suffering has been. WHO’s looking out for them?? Well, me and God that’s who. But still I wish I could make other people wake up and realize that they are really what is important.

Ugh. I’m tired of all this, and tired of being tired of it. I want to go on with my life and love my husband and enjoy our new baby. And that I will do. We all will.

Perhaps I should take Levi’s advice after all. I mean “Dude… take a break!” isn’t a bad sounding deal. Maybe a break and a little perspective will help… and some chinese food…

🙂

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>Sharin’ My Happiness

>My dear sweet longtime, knows-all-my-secrets friend, Christy Sallee, took some pics of me and my gorgeous man. Ya know how when you are pregnant you just feel kind of… yucky? Definitely not beautiful. Well, I posed for and Christy took some pics that made me feel BEAUTIFUL. Some I never dreamed I’d dare to take. But I did, and IT WAS SO AWESOME!! C, you did my heart good!!! Some of the ones that are appropriate to share are below. Untouched.








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