Hello, my name is Rebecca and…
I’m a control freak.
Yep. Don’t judge. You probably are too.
Oooo ya’ll, I love me some control. I don’t even mind being at fault for a problem… just so I get to call the shots. Here’s the thing with that: You can’t really control things like hurricanes, divorces, failing health, car accidents… oh yeah and OTHER PEOPLE. You can’t control other people. This includes, but is not limited to, husbands and children.
Summer’s here, you know. My annual pit of despair opens its mouth yet again as I anticipate sending my big kids to Florida for a few weeks. Without me. Outside my control. Ugh.
Something’s different this year. This year I’ve decided to avoid the P.O.D (pit of despair). Not goin’ in.
God and I have had a few talks over the last few weeks. Here’s something that caught my eye…
14 “Listen to this, Job;
stop and consider God’s wonders.
15 Do you know how God controls the clouds
and makes his lightning flash?
16 Do you know how the clouds hang poised,
those wonders of him who has perfect knowledge?
17 You who swelter in your clothes
when the land lies hushed under the south wind,
18 can you join him in spreading out the skies,
hard as a mirror of cast bronze?
19 “Tell us what we should say to him;
we cannot draw up our case because of our darkness.
20 Should he be told that I want to speak?
Would anyone ask to be swallowed up?
21 Now no one can look at the sun,
bright as it is in the skies
after the wind has swept them clean.
22 Out of the north he comes in golden splendor;
God comes in awesome majesty.
23 The Almighty is beyond our reach and exalted in power;
in his justice and great righteousness, he does not oppress.
24 Therefore, people revere him,
for does he not have regard for all the wise in heart?[b]”
You know what? I’m not in control of what goes on with my babies when they are away.
Know what else? God IS.
Truth be told, I waste a lot of time and emotional energy trying to control the uncontrollable. Trying to make sure nothing bad happens. Trying to shield and protect and oversee. Trying to improve and revamp and adjust.
Yeah, God totally has it.
I think somewhere along the way I decided that my broken heart was evidence that God wasn’t quite able to handle my life. So of course it would be better if I took over. Right.
As evidenced by four miserable, depressing, sickening summers… that didn’t work.
This year, I’m leaving the control in God’s hands. That’s actually a joke because it’s always been there. Let me try again. This year I’m not going to waste my time obsessing and worrying about what God controls. He will be faithful to my children just like He has been to me. I’m just going to love my kids, be grateful for my family and enjoy my life.
Now what kind of freak will I be?