Tag Archives: overeating

Dat Ain’t Nuttin’ Pretty

  By Rebecca | August 10, 2012 - 9:44 pm |
1 Comment

Talk about off the wagon, honey…

Remember my last post about not abusing myself by overeating? Yeah… pride goeth before a fall.

My husbands piece o’ junk car has finally given up the ghost. So we’re a one car family right now. Today started out so well… My husband drove himself to work this morning, and I left the same time he did. I put Caleb in the stroller, put on my C25K app and started walking/jogging to work (we work at the same place about 2 miles from home but I come in about 2 and 1/2 hours after he.) I picked up the car and drove it back home. Great workout done and car problem solved! I returned home, roused the big kids and jumped in the shower. Got myself dressed, and Levi to the school bus stop on time. Came back in the house and ate a nice healthy breakfast that involved the word “bran,” made the bed, emptied the trash in several rooms, did a load of laundry and then left for work.

At work, I added someone to the waiting list, planned Assisted Living Week, did all kinds of good stuff, and used the stairs, not the elevator. Somehow, though, when I arrived home, it all fell apart. Fast forward through a series of frustrating events and here I sit, having polished off four pieces of pepperoni lover’s and three brownies.

Yuck.

Annnnnd to top it all off… examination of the above paragraphs confirms a suspicion that’s been lurking in the back of my mind: I use commas too frequently and often inappropriately. SMH…

Perhaps there’s some key in one of the aforementioned frustrating events. (Ya THINK?) But right now, I don’t care. I’m watching Poise Pads and Downey Fabric Softener commercials on the Hallmark Channel. I’m praying Caleb will go to sleep. Now. And sleep until 11am tomorrow. I’m trying not to throw up. I’m telling you this, why? Because I hope you’ll know you’re not alone next time you find yourself doing the same. (Ya’ll know I love ya!)

But I’m also doing something different. I’m letting myself off the hook. Yup. That was me you just heard… read… comin’ unhooked. Yeah, when I think back over the last few hours… as my beloved New Orleans natives would say, “Dat ain’t nuttin’ pretty!” But I’m not going to obsess. I’m going to focus on the good, focus on the blessings, take a shower, go to bed, and start over again tomorrow. (You know, that whole “new mercies every morning” thing. Yeah… I love that thing.)

Tomorrow’s a new day, friends. And even if it never comes, I’ve had a heck of a lot of blessings already. Overall, not a good night, but still… progress!

 

 

 

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmailby feather

A Good Start

  By Rebecca | August 8, 2012 - 12:27 am |
Leave a comment

On the way to Florida to pick up my big kids, I did my traditional Cracker Barrel book on CD rental. I love those things!! Hoping for some “mind candy” but not seeing anything I was thrilled about, I went for the most interesting (to me) title they had: Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth.

Geneen was on Oprah and everything, so I’m probably way behind the times knowing nothing about this book. I really enjoyed listening to it and came away with tons to think about. (Warning: this isn’t a Christian book, though it mentions God in the title. The author is not a believer in Jesus and there are a few f-bombs and everything. I found plenty of good things to glean from it, but there was plenty to filter out as well. Don’t try it if you are uncomfortable with cursing or with reading non-Christian self-help. If you try it and it offends you, don’t say I didn’t tell ya!)

One of the things this book made me ponder: It’s OK to take care of myself. Common ways I fill my longing for “something more” like overeating for one, are really ways I abuse myself. Stuffing down a whole sleeve of my signature comfort food, DoubleStuf Oreos, leaves me feeling guilty and yucky, not to mention getting me closer to the Type 2 Diabetes that runs in my family. Isn’t it odd that some of the things we run to for “comfort” or to “get my mind off the pain” are really causing us more pain? What’s up with that?

Why didn’t it ever occur to me to eat food as a way to TAKE CARE OF MYSELF, not as a drug to numb pain or as a distraction from my problems? What does it really say about me when I’m doing whatever I do to avoid pain, be it eating junk or zoning out on TV, or you fill in the blank, not realizing that said pain avoidance activity is dragging me down more and more? Why don’t I just think to myself, “Ok, Rebecca, you are in pain right now. But instead of eating (or whatever) to distract yourself from pain, let’s just deal with the pain. A little at a time if you have to. But deal with it so it can eventually subside. Save eating (or whatever) as a way to nourish yourself, to love yourself. Don’t let your pain steal other good activities away from you by allowing them to become out of control.”

If I’m eating to nourish myself, that makes a HUGE difference in food choices, both in the type of food I choose and the amount I allow myself to eat. For example, why make myself uncomfortable by overeating? Why do that? If I’m nourishing myself, then I won’t want to stuff so much in that I feel sick or guilty.

I’ve already promised not to make this a weight loss blog, and I won’t. I’m simply using the food thing because I recognize that eating is something I do to cope with pain. However, I think this idea applies to most other unhealthy coping mechanisms. The bottom line is, by using an unhealthy coping mechanism, I’m refusing to take care of myself. Selfishly. Weird, but true.

I’ve got plenty of theories as to WHY I don’t think about taking care of myself: Southern girls are taught to take care of everyone else. It’s a mother’s instinct to give the best of herself to her children. That good ole’ Sunday School acronym, Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last. Admitting my need for self care is admitting weakness. (that would be pride) I don’t have time. I have a guilt complex. Everyone else seems to be able to keep on giving and never run out, so what’s wrong with me? Blah, blah, blah... I could go on and on. But dwelling on all of the above doesn’t get me any closer to healthy habits. Really, no matter the WHY behind my self-neglect, it’s time to just DO IT. Time to just start taking care of God’s daughter. REAL care, not fake, half-hearted distraction techniques.

What does that look like? How about taking TIME to read… the Bible, my favorite books, Garden and Gun magazine, whatever. Feeding myself healthy things, when I’m hungry, and refusing to abuse myself by overeating. Letting go of work when I leave the place, and letting myself be thrown into the moment with my family. A retreat alone, just me and God. A retreat with my best friend. Plenty of hydration. Exercise. Good sleep. Doctors appointments. Letting myself be the creative person God made me to be, and therefore a much more enjoyable wife and mother. Getting RID of unrealistic expectations. I think those things are a good start!!

P.S. For any fellow food junkies, I loved Geneen Roth’s eating guidelines. You can find them here.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmailby feather

Tin Man (Woman)

  By Rebecca | January 7, 2012 - 11:26 am |
1 Comment

This little dietary exploration has been fun for me so far.  I’m feeling a little like the Tin Man who just needed some parts oiled and was able to move again.  By simply paying a little attention to what’s going on, I’ve been able to have some little successes.  Yesterday, for example, I noticed a slight hunger sensation and went ahead and had a small snack since I had an appointment that delayed my lunchtime.  That way I wasn’t ravenous at lunch so was able to have a reasonable portion and stop when full.  I’ve also noticed thirst playing a part in the way I feel.  I’m definitely not drinking enough water.

I downloaded a handy period tracker app for my phone (sorry fellas) and it has lots of cool features that help track cravings, moods, and other symptoms.  I played around with that a little and it’s been interesting to note my cravings and moods and their relation to my cycle and stress level.  It’s helpful to notice that how I’m feeling physically and emotionally has a profound effect on my appetite.  A little preparation can go a long way I would imagine, especially when I know a vulnerable time is coming. 

Another drip from the oil can fell on the part of me that knows food isn’t an adequate comfort mechanism.  I suppose it isn’t enough to be aware that I use food for comfort, but I must be further aware that food ISN’T DOING A GOOD JOB.  There is a much more perfect Source of comfort and He (God) is always available in plentiful supply.  That knowledge has made me want to turn to food a little less…  I know God and the glimpses I’ve had of His majesty make food seem like a pretty dumb substitute when I could have Him.

I’m feeling more able to “move” and function in a healthy way, especially since I’ve focused less on the food and more on my rationale.  Another drop from the oil can fell on my brain, I guess.  So I’ve noticed it makes a difference when I’m thinking about what I’m doing rather than making mindless decisions.

I had a stressful phone conversation at work and was startled to notice that my first thought upon hanging up the phone was “I need chocolate.”  Hmmm….  I didn’t refuse myself the chocolate, but I got up and walked around the building outside to breathe some fresh air and clear my head, telling myself I’d get something if I still wanted it after I walked.  The few moments diversion worked and I was onto another task that presented itself when a resident stopped me for conversation.  I forgot about the chocolate, but learned a little lesson from that.

Hmmm…   I’m still not going on a diet.  Still not even setting a weight loss goal.  But I feel like progress is being made.

 

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmailby feather

What IS Hungry, Anyway?

  By Rebecca | January 6, 2012 - 11:31 pm |
Leave a comment

Who said we needed to be hungry to eat??

My stomach evidently can’t tell the difference between hungry and BORED.  Yep.  I totally eat when I get bored.   I also find myself vulnerable to feeding myself regardless of the presence of a hunger sensation when I’m tired and when I’m lonely.  Oh yeah, and when I’m happy, too!  I mean, it’s my BIRTHDAY, so I’ve GOTTA eat cake, right??  I also eat because it’s TIME.  And because it’s polite to eat what someone else lovingly made for me.

Here’s the difficult part:  Ignore your body’s signals long enough and they become harder to understand and recognize.

It’s a challenge for me, especially with the constant presence of food around me and food-centered activities, to listen to and figure out my body’s hunger signals.  Do I even know what they are?  (The experience of hunger CAN be different for everyone.)

Let me think…

Well, I know what REALLY hungry feels like.  (My husband and I laughingly refer to this as “pissed-off hungry”)  Sometimes, when I get home from work he’ll ask if I’m hungry.  I’ll reply that I’m so hungry I could injure someone. Then, I’ll tear up in envy of my thin husband with his superman metabolism and immunity from overeating.  I’ll stalk off or start to cry.  (See where we got the name?)  This is because serious hunger for me causes irritability.  Even aggressiveness actually.  I also sometimes start to shake, get a headache, or experience nervousness or anxiety.  I know this is caused by the drop in blood sugar.

But what does regular hungry feel like?  You know, just the body’s gentle signal that it’s time to refuel.  I have to admit I’m not too sure. I know that I overeat often when I get REALLY hungry, but what if I could recognize the signal early enough to go ahead and feed myself while I’m still in control and not in a desperate attempt to alleviate the REALLY hungry symptoms?

I know God built this mechanism into my body.  I guess it’s time to take a few days to dust it off and figure out how to use it!!

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmailby feather

Never Just One

  By Rebecca | January 5, 2012 - 9:25 pm |
2 Comments

What’s the snack with the slogan “No one can eat just one.”? I can’t remember at this moment, some kind of potato chip, I think, maybe Pringles. Anyway, that’s issue #2 that I can identify when it comes to my eating habits. I can’t just have one.

Seriously. It’s hard for me to imagine sitting down and having, say, just TWO doublestuf oreos. Nope, I want a minimum of ten. At least til the milk runs out, right? Yesterday my husband took me to lunch and I really slowed down after the first half of my cheeseburger but I felt compelled for some reason to continue eating until it was gone. I knew I should stop, but it BOTHERED me to leave it there.

When I think about it, when I’m using something like an Oreo for comfort or stress release, it makes sense that I would need to eat until the bad feeling temporarily recedes. But there are times of happiness, and other times when I’m just eating a regular meal, that I have trouble stopping at one or two. When it tastes good and I’m having fun eating, I’ll tend to go overboard also. For the record, this also happens exclusively with things that taste good. As in, I’ve never gone crazy eating too many carrot sticks. It seems easier to stop when I’m eating cottage cheese, but not so easy when I’m eating cheesecake.

I’ve tried the “no junk in the house” method, and it works for a while. Then the total deprivation gets to me and a trip to Winn Dixie produces a package of Doublestuf or a bag of chips. Then, said bag of junk doesn’t just sit in the pantry and go stale. It disappears as quickly as possible and calls to me in the night if I take too long to finish it off.

It seems I have an imbalance here. I’m either eating none until I can’t stand it anymore, or I’m eating it ALL until it’s gone. Why don’t I just have a little at a time and stop there? Here are my ideas:

1) I have some unreasonable anxiety that when I return later and want just a little bit more, there won’t be any left. (This probably stems from growing up in a house full of kids that was usually grand central for our friends also. Treats never hung around long. If I didn’t get my share, there very likely would be none later.)

Solution: Remind myself that I’m an adult now. I’m not rich, but I have the ability to get myself another bag of Oreos anytime I want. God Bless America.

2) I often have to eat in a hurry. If I don’t finish right away, it’ll be cold later, or I may not get another chance to stop and take a break. I remember this starting right after I had my first baby and barely had a chance to shower regularly, much less eat a meal uninterrupted. I began noticing that even when I did get a chance to enjoy a leisurely meal, I made it disappear as fast as possible, in the habit of choking it down before the baby needed me again.

Solution: USE A MICROWAVE if it gets cold. Figure out some way to remind myself that I don’t HAVE to rush.

3) (This one might be reaching, but here it is anyway:) There is so little in my life that I can control. So few things that finish up nicely and wrap up neatly. Life is messy, often yucky, and seldom easily tied up with a bow. A bag of Oreos, however, CAN be finished. It can be put away. I have control over it, and I can watch it disappear. I don’t do many things right, but finishing off a bag of Milano cookies is an easy success for me.

Solution: Find something else I can accomplish quickly and easily to give myself a “success” without eating. I just got a used piano. Maybe I’ll try to conquer a new piece of music here and there.

4) I know I shouldn’t be eating the bag of Oreos, so I finish it in order to get rid of it. I then promise myself I won’t get any more, and I feel better because the “bad thing” isn’t in the pantry anymore. This all falls apart, of course, when the deprivation gets me mad enough to go get another bag. It’s like any other forbidden thing, it often is the object of obsession.

Solution: Take away the stigma. Again, I AM AN ADULT. I must stop shaming myself. There is nothing inherently shameful about Oreos. There is no such thing as a perfect diet, so since I can’t possible achieve dietary perfection (who even knows what that IS?) then there is no reason to outlaw something or obsess over it because I see it as a “mistake” food or a “bad grade” on my eating report card. No shame means no rush to get rid of the “forbidden” item. GOD STILL LOVES ME!!!

5) I sometimes eat angry. Overeating when angry is a way of punishing myself or another person.

Solution: Learn to express my anger in healthy ways. Get a punching bag.

Good thing I’m writing this down. I may be onto something here!!

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmailby feather

Bad Drug

  By Rebecca | January 4, 2012 - 1:56 pm |
2 Comments

I use food for comfort, stress relief, and even expressions of anger. In other words, much like a drug addict turns to drugs for all of the above, I turn to food.

Not just any food, mind you. It has to taste good. In other words, I don’t console or reward myself with plain tuna or unsalted popcorn. (Ewwww) Think chocolate truffles, macaroni and cheese, or Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies. Think Doublestuf Oreos, Ruffles chips and French onion dip, and loaded cheese fries. Think cheeseburgers, chocolate mousse cake, and cookie dough. But, I digress…

Why do I do this? FOOD for thought… (hahaha)

I was raised a VERY good Southern Baptist. We don’t smoke, drink, or chew, or go with boys who do…

But we EAT.

I can give you a very long list of the “don’ts” I was taught as a child, those sins to be avoided at all costs. Funny, but eating isn’t one of them. I’m sure somewhere along the way, some preacher preached against overeating, but it musn’t have been very memorable because I have zero recollection. I have to wonder if overeating had been as taboo as say, smoking weed or premarital sex, would things have been different? If bingeing on junk food were treated like a bad behavior like going to a bar, seeing rated R movies, or getting a tattoo, would I have developed this habit? Now some of the “bad behaviors” I just listed are things I’ve done, some aren’t, but NONE of them are habits of mine. Then again, there are others who experienced a very similar upbringing and they DO struggle with things like drugs, alcohol, gambling, or sex addiction. That would mean I can’t totally blame my upbringing for my dependence upon food. It still wouldn’t change the fact that I use food much in the same way anyone uses a vice for consolation.

There’s one problem with this method of comfort, of soothing my sadness:

It doesn’t work.

Sure it tastes good while it’s going down. But I eat too fast (read more about that later) and so even that part isn’t as enjoyable as it should be. Then afterward comes the guilt, the frustration, and the stomachache, not to mention the extra pounds and sluggishness. Food is no more effective than vodka when it comes to solving one’s problems, and it’s nearly as harmful in the longrun.

OK, so I’m turning to an inadequate outside source for comfort. What can I do about it?

Here are my ideas:

1) Realize that food isn’t doing the job I’ve assigned to it. It isn’t a good enough provider of comfort and solace. I’ve simply given food a task it can’t perform.

2) Find something else to which I turn for comfort. (Hear God going: “ME ME ME!!!”)

3) Figure out what’s bothering me so much and see if I can eliminate or solve any of those issues.

What do ya’ll think???

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmailby feather