Stingy with my Heart

Tears ran down my face as I drove home last Friday. At 5:00… quittin’ time… one of our residents clocked out of this life. I said goodbye to one of my friends. It was Dwayne’s birthday and I had planned a fun night. I wondered how I was going to pull off happy birthday when I was trying to process these emotions. My knee-jerk reaction was to think about something else, get it off my mind, and try to detach.

Then I thought again.

I leaned in to the emotion and went ahead and cried great big sobs for my sweet friend. He had no wife or children. He lived a bright and interesting life and I loved getting to care for him. I let the tears flow, knowing that there are plenty more where that came from. I thought about God, about His love for me and about His grace. I realized that there is enough of my heart to go around when I don’t hold back the parts He asks me to give away.

I cried all the way home and drove up to the house where my beautiful husband was waiting on the front steps. I went straight into his open arms and cried some more. Then I went inside and hugged my three babies. Tight. “We can stay home.” Dwayne said. But no way was I missing a chance to celebrate our life… his life. The tears subsided, mascara on, and out we went.

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We had a blast!

I cried that day. I lost that day. I loved that day. I laughed that day. I LIVED that day.

I realized that I’m the one who really misses out when I’m stingy with my heart.  It’s giving my heart, open and real and honest, that gets me the riches of life.

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